Over the past 3 or so weeks, I have worked my tail off while on vacation getting my on-line world sorted out, sewing up the spring collection, making new friends, tidying up the shop etc. Funnily there seemed to be no shortage of time, motivation or energy. My days were blissfully long and filled with an abundance of joy. I have felt what it feels to be truly inspired. There is something very spiritual about it.
I am back at my day job today. I noticed a lot of Twitter traffic lamenting the return to work after the Easter long weekend so it’s nice to know I’m not alone. But I’m not really complaining about returning to work because I don’t want to be there. I am incredibly grateful for the job I have. It is suited to my temperament and compensates me well. I am an expert in my field of practice and have finally achieved a level of competence I had only once before dreamed of. It has allowed me the means to embrace my entrepreneurial and creative spirit. I appreciate all of that. I acknowledge that I choose to be there and have the freedom to choose otherwise. Granted, Kitschy Chic is still in its infancy and while I expect it will grow, it is not yet financially viable. As well, if I were to pack up and leave my job, my husband may have some not so encouraging things to say about that. Nevertheless, I like the financial security and growth the job offers.
So, what is it that I really desire that creates such an emotional distinction between what I do for a living and the business I am growing which consumes every spare waking moment but sends my spirits soaring? I’ve been reflecting a lot about Maslow’s theory of Human Motivation lately. I feel fortunate to have achieved many of the basic needs he has identified – I can say this because I know what it felt like to not have any of it. It took many years of healing and the love of a very special man to get me here. So, is this about self actualization? Is it the last frontier on my pyramid? But then why are so many others self employed from the get go? That leads me to think I’ve still got some room to grow on the self esteem box. Do we not all have the same basic needs? What determines what our basic needs are and when they are sufficiently satisfied to allow us to move up to the next tier towards self actualization? Are some people just better at manifesting their desires than others?
Ahhh, too much thinking when I should be sewing. I guess I’m still searching for the voice that screams out permission to me to go be free! (And then whispers the same into my darling husband’s heart).