I wonder whether the fact that my on-line world is progressing at a snails pace has anything to do with the ambiguity I feel about my presence here? I am psyched about getting my designs out to the world; I am confident they are beautiful and will happily fit into wherever they end up. There is, however, a slight irony about this blog. I suppose I’m not alone but being still new to all of this, I’ve permitted my perceptions to be preserved in that bubble.
There was an initial purpose to blogging which was to promote my new business and share the experience of what that looks and feels like as it happens. However, along the way, there are stories (personal ones) that find their way into my words. This isn’t unusual for me – I have maintained a journal my entire life. Journaling is a transformative activity and I’d be lost without it. However, it is very personal and I like the pen and paper experience. Blogging on the other hand, leaves me feeling unsettled knowing that I am literally out there, exposed, for the world to judge. That is if they care to read me – and that is another issue altogether!
The dilemma, hence is this: the desire to be seen yet uncomfortable being exposed.
I’ll resolve this with baby steps. It could help if I had a clear objective that defined my blog. But like life, objectives keep moving. I would still care to share on a subject that anyone who cared to read could learn or grow from. I could teach you to sew. We could discuss leather working. I could talk about entrepreneurship and the law. I could lecture about all the things I’ve learned as an educated woman learning to be empowered. I could share on any number of things but then I am humbled by the realization that my information is a tiny pebble among the bazillion sources of information out there. And then I am prodded by a nudge to speak to the authenticity of my Self. That is the dilemma. It always seems to get personal and I am not there yet. We all have stories. I know that but this space is mine 🙂
I grew up with a story that continues to evolve. With every breath I have the privilege of breathing, I have the opportunity to be the best I can be. And what I’ve learned so far is that best, is the simplest and most difficult of all things at once. That best, and the extent of sharing this baby step, is the lesson that love is absolutely all that matters. The kind of love that erases all errors; renders forgiveness meaningless; fills every cell of our being with a depth of connectedness and truth that reminds us we are absolutely, truly, joyfully complete.